Most people date for a long period of time and get in a committed relationship before they decide to take the next step of marriage. However, not all couples choose to live together before they get married.
There are many couples that get married before they have ever lived as roommates. For some people, cohabitation is the next logical step to take before marriage, but others are against cohabiting before marriage in any form.
Deciding if you should live together with your significant other before marriage is often a personal decision so before you come to your own conclusion on cohabitation before marriage, it is a good idea to learn about the pros and cons.
Pro: You get to learn more about your partner before you commit to marriage.
He likes to sing nursery rhymes in the shower and fish out the marshmallows when he eats Lucky Charms? These are the fun things you'll get to learn about your guy after you move in together. You'll find some of these habits to be annoying, but many of them will be endearing. And when you realize he's not running for the hills the second he sees tampons in the bathroom cupboard, you'll feel absolutely wonderful. Few things will strengthen your bond like experiencing your partner's unique quirks on a daily basis.
Con: Some of what you learn about your partner may feel like deal-breakers.
Remember when I said some of his habits will be annoying? Well, some of those habits will be extremely annoying (like, when he refuses to pick up his dirty towels or he doesn't rinse out his cereal bowls after breakfast). Of course, some of your habits will irritate him too, so much so that arguments will ensue. In these moments, you may find it hard to let your guard down and learn what else is lingering in that can of worms.
Pro: You get to share responsibilities with someone you love and trust.
Sometimes roommates are awesome, but sometimes…they just aren't. It can be refreshing to finally share bills and chores within the security of a loving relationship. Not only will your partner carry the load with you, but chances are, he's looking out for your interest as much as he's looking out for his own. For example, if one of you makes more money, there may be more freedom to talk about contributing the same percentage of money to the pot, rather than the same amount. And instead of nagging you to sweep the floor, your guy may be inclined to at least use his favorite pet name for you when he asks.
Con: You will have to face some tough subjects together, such as money and household roles.
One of my best friends married a guy whose mom worked in the home all his life. All those years of clean laundry and warm meals really impacted his thoughts about what my friend would do once they moved in together. Unsurprisingly, it took several years for them to get on the same page about household roles.
Additionally, we all know that money is a huge stressor for many couples. Living together gives you a chance to actually see the way your partner expects a home to run. If you haven't had extensive conversations about these topics already, prepare yourself to not like everything you'll eventually see.
Pro: Taking your relationship to the next step is exciting!
I still remember the rush of excitement I felt when my husband asked me to move in with him. Though it was a completely natural progression of our relationship, it still felt somewhat surreal. When you take a big leap with the right person, it's normal to be on cloud nine for a while in the beginning.
Con: You might start to feel pressure to get married, because after cohabitation, marriage is typically seen as the next step.
After a year or so of cohabitation, people started asking me when wedding bells would be ringing. These conversations made it incredibly difficult for me to stay present in my relationship, and I soon began yearning to take the next step. It was kind of like I was on relationship autopilot, just trying to get to the next destination.
I've heard that one reason cohabitating couples get divorced is that they're more likely to view marriage as the logical next step instead of approaching it with thorough intention. Discerning whether marriage is the right decision for you and your partner requires honesty, and living together before getting engaged seems to make that task a little more difficult for some people.
Pro: You have the opportunity to create a home that reflects both of your tastes and preferences.
You don't have to wait until you register for wedding gifts to satisfy both your decorating tastes. Take a trip to your local Ikea, find a handful of items you both agree on, and go to town. Another great way to foster togetherness in your new home? Hang a few photos of the both of you. Then, make it a goal to capture even more memories that can be displayed in your new digs. It will feel like home in no time.
Con: But sometimes decorating tastes clash.
If one of you is moving into the other's place, it can be hard at first to make adjustments so you both feel comfortable. After two years of marriage and three years of living together, I'm still fighting decorating battles with my husband. That dresser his ex-girlfriend painted for him probably isn't going anywhere any time soon. Neither is my growing collection of half-burned candles.
Pro: Comfort.
As humans, all any of us wants is to feel known, accepted, and loved for who we really are. If you have the opportunity to live with someone who knows, accepts, and love you, you're truly blessed. And though relationships can be really hard, when you share a home with someone who also feels like home, it all seems pretty worth it.
Con: Experiencing the challenge of being spontaneous and keeping things fresh.
Sometimes within a relationship, familiarity means a loss of mystery. When things start to feel a little stale, you and your partner will have to find ways to keep the magic alive. In midst of the daily grind and other life stressors, this can sometimes prove to be challenging. If you don't give your relationship the attention is needs, you can easily start to feel like an old married couple—which might not be what you're going for before you've even had a chance to plan the wedding!
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